We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
