Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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