I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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