i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
