RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
