Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
