I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
