My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
