My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I party with great urgency now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
