yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
