i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
