I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
As shirtless as possible
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
