i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm like, not good at living.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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