Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
PANTIES FOUND
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
