It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
