Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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