I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
