I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
