is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
