These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
