Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
