I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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