you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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