Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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