Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
