I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
