I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
