Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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