Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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