I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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