I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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