I'm so fucking centered right now
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
