Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
