You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
