nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
