Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
