How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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