Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
