Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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