Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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