the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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