I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
