kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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