Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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