she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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