I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
