after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
