I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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