okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
