how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
