my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
