I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My ass is underappreciated
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
