just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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