The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize