Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just puked most of my soul out..
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