i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize