yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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