Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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