I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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