i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
