so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
