they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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