Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
